Now, what do I have to look forward to?

I’ll be going to a travel trip for the rest of the year. I don’t really know why, but I like to travel this time. There are a lot of places here in the Philippines that I would like to reach. To capture, and to get comfortable in. I have been to Negros, Bohol, Siquijor, Cebu, Cadayan de Oro, Iligan, Ilocoandia, Pangasinan, Benguet, La Union, Tarlac, Zambales, Pampanga, Cavite, Batangas, and Laguna. I think I was able to capture each of these places. One thing I’m sure of, I was able to feel comfortable being in those places. It feels like another home away from my home. A different culture, which intertwines with your inner self, and you don’t feel any different. Enough with all the cheesiness….

This year I want to go to a lot of places I’ve never been to, and re-visit the places I like. I want to go to Iloilo, Samar, Leyte, Mindoro, Palawan, Bicol, Cagayan, Mt Province, Davao, General Santos, Zamboanga… a lot of places! I want to go back to Siquijor, Negros, Cagayan de Oro and Iligan. I really love Ma Cristina Falls and the water spots surrounding her. I want to dip my skin in her waters, and soak under the Mindanao sun.

I think it would be possible to go to these places this year. All it takes are impulsiveness and impromptu decision making. I think I got those. Check!

It’s already 4:17am, and I’m still up

Must be because I had a long sleep. I slept 1am on a very early Saturday morning, and woke up at around 2pm. I also had a nap from 5pm until 8:30pm. All the time I was awake, I was just lying on my bed, and listening to music. Basically doing nothing, or skimming through some movies, but I was into some thinking. A lot of thinking: of what I have become today; on how to go about it; how should I carry myself, now that I have gone back to who I was; a lot! Quite overwhelming. I thought that this has defeated the purpose of a long sleep and a relaxing weekend. I’m in a stress. Not good! Perhaps, I can’t sleep because of that stress. What’s worse is that I’m still on the computer, at this time of the day, to write my mis-adventures. Great…! (annoyed) Wish me luck!

A note I might, as well, be putting on Facebook

I am hating 2009. Or maybe it’s the other way around. I don’t know. Maybe I’m not that good, already. I may have lost it. It’s not the same as with last year. It started good, had a good run, and ended good. This year has got me started in misery. Because of it, I got myself into thinking. Was last year a bait for me to get hooked on to? Was it a preparation for something BIG, and heart-ripping? I wish not. I think I just got used to some things that are tangible, and non-essential. Woe is me, woe is me….

If I’m going to connect the events, it would appear that this year will be my doom. I’m not really sure if it’s the start, or the actual run. One thing’s for sure, this will be a life changing year.

I have changed back to my old self. Quite a number of factors, and it’s the trivial ones which made me lose it. I have to end a struggle of being happy-go-lucky joy-joy person, to a rather reserved, somber, and quiet me. Yes, I’m quite, yes, I’m somber, and yes… I’m reserved. I had to change that a few years ago, after a recommendation by a good friend. I have to change or become a misery. But just recently, I realized that I was in misery living the life I was not supposed to have lived. Perhaps the change from reserved, somber, quite me to a happy-go-luck joy-joy was not a complete success. Because if it was, I wouldn’t have felt a level of misery I am having right now. It’s not good.

Now that I have changed back, I discovered that I’m missing it every day. Everyday would be a get-to-know journey, welcoming myself back to who I know I was. I smile less, I can’t seem to carry a good conversation, and I just fall silent on most of the day. Yeah, that’s me today. And it’s just the tip of the iceberg (as what the cliché would be abused), there are still a lot that would be coming out these coming days.

Friends who noticed the change would ask me WHY, but I can’t give them a straight answer. All I know that there are a number of factors which contributed. Additionally, it was that very trivial one which served as the last straw. Usually, the trivial nuisances would always be the last straw, before you lose it… at least on my case, it is.

I’m guessing people know what I mean by "trivial nuisances". They know, because they were able to witness a few fragments of chapters of my different struggle. It was not easy, I don’t even know how to move on from it. It’s hard.

With all that’s happening I get to see some things clearly. My life sucked! I hid my sorrow from the smiles and laughter. I drew back my feelings, and put on a happy, approachable mask. Now, that’s misery! It’s like dying every waking day. Ugh!! I’m a sad person, then. I was miserable, and now I’m sad, again. It’s a vicious cycle! What makes this even worse is the fact that I’m writing it down, instead of saying it out loud. I know… I’m simply miserable!

What I love

At this point of my life a simple, quite weekend will be my lover. Some time for myself and get more advantage of my bed, i.e. sleep! A 20 hour sleep, and wake up on a fine Saturday is always a goal. When you wake up, you want to do nothing but sleep again. That’s approximately 12 hours of extra rest for the week! With what I have right now, a 6-hour sleep on a weekday is already a privilege. That is just not enough. I would need at least 8 hours!

If I can’t sleep for that long 20 hours advantage, rolling on the bed and doing nothing (again) is just as good. It’s a nice way to relax. Thinking of nothing, is basically a different way to meditate–freeing your mind from almost anything. Getting up just to prepare your meal or go to the bathroom. Bathing is just an option. You can go naked or commando, and just lounge on your natural body smell. It’s not eww… it’s therapeutic. You become familiar with yourself.

A relaxing weekend does not mean going out of town to some fancy "vacation place" and stress out your wallet for that needed rest, which you can get from your home. Just make sure you are on your bed and in a silent setting. You don’t have to read a book. Just go nothing! It’s relaxing! It’s a love you never thought you can get. You’d love to have, and it understands you completely… now, ain’t that true love?

I have got cats!

I just love cats! Our family has taken care of about 30 cats, in total, in a span of 20 years! However, these are what you call as "pusakal" (local cats, street cats). It’s not a pain to take care of these cats, since all you have to do is feed and play with them, and they’re happy!

It has been one of my wishes to take care of a Persian cat! A black one! Last year, I was able to acquire one. Errrrr… not until the owner asked me to take along his playmate cat. Now, that’s two cats for the price of one! I named the Persian breed as Blackie, for obvious reasons. He’s a silent type and prefers to sleep and lounge all day. I named the second cat as Keteket. Don’t ask me why. I honestly don’t know. It just seemed like a cute name. It even appears to be a unique name. She’s a half-and-half breed: Persian and Birman. A tabby! She’s the hyperactive type. Climbing here and there, playing with almost anything she sees.

I brought Blackie to Cebu and kept Keteket here in Taguig. Soon, I will be bringing Keteket to Cebu, as well. It would be a nice reunion between two playmates. From the last update by my sister-in-law, Blackie has become active! His new best friend is our new black dog, an "askal" (local dog, street dog), named Tommy. I wonder if Blackie and Keteket would still know each other, after being away from each other for 4 months? Hmmm… we’ll see. Good luck to that!

I have a blogging alternative

Hahaha!!! Yeah, you heard it right! I have an alternative to blogging. One of the major reasons why I had a hiatus to blogging is because I discovered PLURK. It’s a relatively new social networking service which is similar to blogging. You write down what you feel like writing. Your contact friends and fans (yes, you also have the opportunity to have fans) will write down, as a response to your "plurk", their views… or basically chat with you in that post. It also has a mobile service which allows you to post a "plurk" using your mobile phones.

Come to think of it, PLURK is a more interactive blogging! However, there are instances in which you cannot write down what you would want. It is limited to upto 140 characters. Although you have the liberty to write down as many 140-character lines as you want, you may get lost with all the responses you might get, from just a few lines you’ve written.

Blogging via blogspot (or other similar services) is still the most satisfying, traditional way to say what you want. What limits you are your imagination and way with words. You can write down a thousand line litany of what-nots, or a simple line of gobbledygook. It doesn’t matter. It’s a matter of style and preference, anyways.

You can visit my plurk site and sign-up to become a member. By the way, membership is free. You just need a legitimate email address in order to join. Please visit plurk here: http://www.plurk.com/juanes.

Yeah, and I have returned

Geez, just when I thought I’d be on eternal silence from the blogsphere, an acquaintance has talked me into going back to blogging. Hahahaha!!! I thought the happiness entry was my last. I thought that I’d go over 39 posts for 2008! I stopped!

Yep, I must admit, I missed blogging. There are stuff in here which I have written and carelessly deleted, thinking I wouldn’t blog back! Alas! Thanks to Clarence, he made me blog again. Now, I just wonder where in my hard-drive did I place all those supposed-to-be-entries? Haayz… there were quite a number of it! I’ll just write back whenever I can.

Hopefully this will be a sign for a definite return! Although I’m not that confident with a full return, I’ll try to make this mood swing worthwhile for blogspot.com. Weebee me!!

Wasted

It has been 4 months since I went to the gym. What made me stop back then? My work!! Don’t you just hate it when it’s your job which deters you from achieving your personal goals? As a person on this mixed up sphere, we call Earth, we have a lot of aspects to enrich: Financial, mental, physical, physiological, psychological, and all –cal words. But what I have observed in a lot of people these days is that their worlds revolve around their jobs. They seemed to have created dependence, a cynic addiction to their jobs. Some of them even forget about their health, just to satisfy their capitalist bosses, and numb-skull superiors!

It’s a pity that most the times, we too brush into that stratum. We become slaves to our jobs. We make our measly salaries become the gods to our fate, or to our happiness. Isn’t it a bit ironic? We are supposed to make money work for us, and not make money our leash. It’s a sure doom! See you in the wasteland!

Poison

Sitting around and doing the routine is like bumming at home waiting for your parents to hand you over your needs while you do, what you thought you deserved doing. You thought that it is your vacation, but no. It is a poison slowly getting in to your system. First, it reaches your heart. It pumps out a distorted view to your direct environment. Everything is just as perfect as you see it, through your rose-colored glasses. Then, it reaches your brain. Battling with your id, until your super-conscious concedes to its raking. You become psychologically autistic. You demand for your needs, even to the most irrational of details. It doesn’t matter if you hurt a lot of people, as long as you get what you want, the way you like it. Lastly, it will inhibit your senses. You don’t see things in the best perspective possible; you can’t smell the danger it brings; you can’t bear the sound of anyone, but you; you can’t take the bitterness of your situation; and you become numb. Your entirety suffers, but you don’t see, hear, feel. People become concerned, but you take them for granted. You are poisoned, and you never know it. Just like Alexander the Great, you don’t know you were poisoned, until your last breath. Then you suddenly fade out. Not knowing what happened. You tried to get back up, but it may be too late.

Standing up and doing, will deliver us from this deceitful state of poison. We may strive to think on what we are supposed to do today but that’s ok. Rather than sitting around and doing the routine we are so used to. Cherish our need to do things away from customary. Do something to keep you alive. Do something different! Surprise yourself today. The poison is already within us. We just need to stop it from inducing more damage.

Just a share of thought: The Move

People get bitter in a relationship when all they do is waiting for the other to make the first move, until they both realize that what they ran out of was something they can't get back.